Tag Archive: pain


A Devil With(out) a Soul..!!

And we fell in Love..we had the perfect marriage that anyone would dream of..the best designer dresses, favourite music band, red roses and a lot of happy faces all around..we were too excited to wonder how quickly everything had happened..we had met just a few days back and here we were taking the BIG step! We said “I do” like two people who had been waiting since ages to be by each other’s side had been given a lifetime chance to be together..through thick and thin..! I always called him “Devil” for the little mischiefs and pranks he played on me..and each time I did that, he would add “with a soul” with a smirk on his cute face. Now while putting the ring on my finger and tying me to himself for lifetime, he said “with a soul, and now a soulmate too!” and made me blush..!

We were both happy until that day..when the mask he had been wearing all throughout was out in the open and he showed his true colours..!!


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Everyone left the room..there was silence and darkness all around..both in the room as well as in my life..I wondered what I had done to deserve this..was saying the truth out loud that punishing rewarding..??

And then there was a creak of the door..a little light followed in..disturbing the darkness..the darkness of the room..the darkness of my life!! I waited to see who had cared enough to turn against the world and walk in when everyone chose to walk out..and I saw his shadow..it didn’t take me long to realize that it was him..! Of’course it was HIM..! who else could it be..!!

I have had a similar sequence in my dream,
but all this would have happened only after I was dead..
Here in reality, I was alive..!
My soul would fly up to heaven and glowing light would enlighten my soul..
In my dreams, it was an angel..
but here in reality, it was the Demon!

He came near me..held me up and said..”You nasty little creature!I How did you even think that you could make my family and friends go against me..Happy now? Now that you know that they believe me and not you..! hah! now stay here till you get back to your senses and realize what a mess you have got yourself into!! Either find a way to clean it up or rot here till the last drop of your blood dries!” His words broke not only the deafening silence of the room but also broke all my hopes of living surviving breathing..!

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And he left..I heard the lock on the door moving..the final confirmation that I was captivated..at a place that I once thought to be my own house! The flood of my tears that had been held up for so long, came rushing out..as if the gates of a dam had been opened up! I could no more breathe as if someone had squeezed my lungs or cut the oxygen supply in the room! For once I expected someone..anyone, from the entire crowd standing right outside that door, to believe me..trust me with my words..give me a chance to explain what exactly had happened and not the twisted version that they knew..!

But alas! I felt like the world had ended and I was the only one dying surviving..!!

and now I knew..he really was a DEVIL!
With Without a soul..
and definitely without a soulmate..!!

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Image Source : Google Images

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H-E-A-R-T-B-R-E-A-K

..and he left..not a single word..I kept questioning but he had nothing to say..no excuses..no explanations..just nothing..he did not even make a vague attempt to try to make it work..I kept wondering what made him despise me..betray me? For him it was all so simple..just a “we cannot be friends anymore..its all over now” and that’s it..?! Was it all I had been looking forward to all this while? Just the other day I was planning my life ahead..being by his side for the rest of my life and today..I felt I was having a nightmare and somebody would pinch me back to reality..it all came like tsunami..in just a few moments, it took away everything I had..my entire world had turned upside down..I literally didn’t know how to react to the situation..the fact that we were no more together was yet to sink into my mind and more so, into my heart..my heart, my stomach, the entire body felt empty and hollow..heartbreaks are not always like a bomb explosion, they can even be like a feather falling silently..nobody else, except me, heard or felt the pain..I tried my best to gather the broken pieces and look intact but inside I knew I was shattered, too badly to look like what I had been before the fall..

 ***

H-E-A-R-T-B-R-E-A-K

 ***

I tried my best to gather the broken pieces and look intact but inside I knew I was shattered, too badly to look like what I had been before the fall..nobody else, except me, heard or felt the pain..heartbreaks are not always like a bomb explosion, they can even be like a feather falling silently..my heart, my stomach, the entire body felt empty and hollow..the fact that we were no more together was yet to sink into my mind and more so, into my heart..I literally didn’t know how to react to the situation..my entire world had turned upside down..in just a few moments, it took away everything I had..it all came like tsunami..I felt I was having a nightmare and somebody would pinch me back to reality..just the other day I was planning my life ahead..being by his side for the rest of my life and today..was it all I had been looking forward to all this while? just a “we cannot be friends anymore..its all over now” and that’s it..?! For him it was all so simple..I kept wondering what made him despise me..betray me? he did not even make a vague attempt to try to make it work..just nothing..no explanations..no excuses..I kept questioning but he had nothing to say..not a single word..and he left..

 

P.S : Another attempt at a story (an excerpt) with a little different style..not sure if  anyone has ever thought/written about it..The uniqueness is that the last paragraph is exactly a copy of the first paragraph albeit read backwards..and still completes the feelings..!
Click on the link to read the earlier one : What goes around..comes around!!

Does it makes sense to you?? 

Your views/comments are welcomed.. :)

What goes around..comes around!!

An attempt at a story (an excerpt) with a little different style..not sure if  anyone has ever thought/written about it..The uniqueness is that the last paragraph is exactly a copy of the first paragraph albeit read backwards..and still completes the feelings..!

 
                                                                     ***
 
..it made my heart ache..the very thought that you didn’t even care to ask how I was..after all that I have been through..it created a deep hole in my heart..no matter how much I tried to ignore it..no matter how many times I uttered “Huh? Even I give a damn!”, each one came out with a sigh of melancholy and hope..may be you just might ask..may be you have been busy..my heart kept waiting..my eyes were stuck on the phone..still there was nothing from you..I kept waiting for you cause the candle of hope still shimmered through the darkness of my life..I knew that things were not the same as they used to be..somewhere deep down I knew that times had changed and I no more had the right to expect anything from you..sadly, our heart takes a lot of time to accept what the mind already knows..even after everything that had happened between us, those memories never seemed to leave my mind, haunted me every moment..sometimes expecting someone to do something turns out to be as painful as expecting him not to do it at all.. reality and realizations struck me late and in a pretty hard way..my mind had become a twisted place crammed with several thoughts, both dark and sparkling..I just wasn’t sure which thoughts were to be nurtured..
 
                                                                      ***
 
 
I guess I was just very confused with what I wanted..it was a stage where I was too messed up to be sorted out..!!
 
                                                                      ***
 
I just wasn’t sure which thoughts were to be nurtured..my mind had become a twisted place crammed with several thoughts, both dark and sparkling.. reality and realizations struck me late and in a pretty hard way..sometimes expecting someone to do something turns out to be as painful as expecting him not to do it at all..even after everything that had happened between us, those memories never seemed to leave my mind, haunted me every moment..sadly, our heart takes a lot of time to accept what the mind already knows..somewhere deep down I knew that times had changed and I no more had the right to expect anything from you..I knew that things were not the same as they used to be..I still kept waiting for you cause the candle of hope still shimmered through the darkness of my life..still there was nothing from you..my eyes were stuck on the phone..my heart kept waiting..may be you have been busy..may be you just might ask..no matter how many times I uttered “Huh? Even I give a damn!” each one came out with a sigh of melancholy and hope..no matter how much I tried to ignore it..it created a deep hole in my heart..after all that I have been through..the very thought that you didn’t even care to ask how I was..it made heart ache..
 
Does it makes sense to you?? 
Your views/comments are welcomed.. 🙂

..and in that one moment..all the hatred, that had been buried inside me since aeons, came out..infact exploded..and with all the force and vigor in me, that had been held back till today, I plunged the knife deep into his body till blood flowed out gushing..smearing his entire body and my hands..my hands..which had long been tied, came out revolting..as if they could no more bear the anguish and in front of my eyes..he fell down..too soon to even make me realize what had actually happened..

 

His body and the sea of the red fluid covered almost the entire kitchen floor..kitchen..the place which had been my room for years now..the place where I had cried myself to death so many times..where I had thought of giving up on life for more than countless times..the floor which I had mopped and cleaned just a few hours back..not realizing it would all be smeared with the red liquid that flowed out of a devil’s body..the place which had for long been a prison for me..was now the place where I gained my freedom..freedom from the wildest nightmares of my life..

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 I was still not sure how to react..there seemed to be a war between my own organs..while the mind felt happy..the heart ached..it felt sore..like it had lost something really precious..but the mind..it felt satisfied and almost danced with joy..

 

It seemed that with every inch of the red fluid on the floor, a drop of blood drained out of my body too..it carried the emotions of agony and pain..that had been inflicted upon me by the man who was now lying on the floor..dead and helpless..it gave me a soothing feeling somehow..

 

Suddenly I heard a little noise..I turned around in amazement..I found her staring at me..and the dead body..in that one moment I realized that all my deepest feelings had been laid bare..all my darkest fears had come alive..my world had just turned upside down..the knife dropped down from my hands and I turned pale..I did not have any answers for the crime I had just committed..I was not even sure how I managed to do something like this..but I DID IT and there was no denying the fact..!!

P.s : My first attempt at a short story..an excerpt..and that too something like this..not sure what made me write this..I guess after loads about love and relationships..this one somehow found a way for itself..your views and comments will be highly appreciated.. 🙂

I have Changed..!!

Sitting by the window pane..watching the raindrops fall..

Several thoughts flash in my mind..

And they make me think that I have changed..! 

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I used to love my friends a lot..

They meant the entire world to me..

But soon I found out their true feelings..

And heard them speak ill about me

So I gradually stopped caring for them..

And the conversation melted down to just some formal talks..

And then they all say that I have changed..

If that’s what you call a change..

Then, YES I HAVE CHANGED..! 

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I used to poke my nose in every trifle matter..

Used to give loads of unwanted suggestions and advise..

(because I really thought them to be my own)

Nobody took me seriously..and nobody seemed to care..

And now, I don’t utter an unwanted word..

They say I am not interactive and I don’t speak my thoughts out..

And then they all say that I have changed..

If that’s what you call a change..

Then, YES I HAVE CHANGED..! 

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I used to think about others before thinking about myself..

Used to care about people a lot..

But, sadly, I could never get that concern in return..

Infact often got to know facts from others, which I expected to be informed first..

So I became silent..never spoke out my plans well..

And then they all say that I have changed..

If that’s what you call a change..

Then, YES I HAVE CHANGED..!

they_say_i've-118039 In the beginning I think I was trying to be clever..

Because I was trying to change the entire world to suit my own needs..

But now I am learning to be wise..

So I am trying to change myself..

I am trying to have faith in the thought that says..

“Its easier to protect your feet with slippers..

Than to carpet the entire Earth..”

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And so..

When they say I an garrulous and infuriating,

I keep mum..

When they say I don’t vent out my opinions..

I can’t and I actually don’t want to..

But still I try to..!

When they find a fault in me..

I try hard not to give them another such chance..

I think I have stopped living my life my way..

And I am trying to live it their way (silly me)

I now say things, which I otherwise wouldn’t say..

I now do things, which I otherwise wouldn’t do..

I now speak to such people, which I otherwise wouldn’t talk to..

I am now in company of such people, which I otherwise would never think of..

i_didn't_change,_you_just_never_knew_me-560513 And even after all this..

What I get to hear is that I have changed..

If that’s what you call a change..

Then YES, I ADMIT  I HAVE CHANGED..

 

The Secret Crush (Part II)..This was written after the sad depressing end in Part I. Click here to read Part I.

I personally believe that if its not happy, then its not the end.. 🙂 

 

 

Stuck with loads of memories deep down,

She gradually tried to recover from the pain..

In the attempt to forget him, she remembered him all the more,

And nothing much did she gain..!

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Seasons changed, years passed,

Things went on and days went by..

Finally somebody came and her heart again skipped a beat,

And she fell in love with this guy..!

 

Smile returned to her face..which had been sad for long time now..

All those moments of loneliness and tears, now got replaced by smiles..

She again felt herself going through that phase (of love)

And with him she was ready to walk miles and miles..!

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 It was again time for happiness and flowers..

And this time she made sure..she spoke her feelings out..

One day while sitting near the beach in each other’s arms,

With all her courage, she proposed him aloud..!

 

It turned out that the guy was in love with her too,

The words were all said..the feelings all expressed..

They both laughed and cried at the same time,

The foundation of their new relationship was laid.. 

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 They had a picture perfect wedding with family and friends all around,

With the feelings being expressed, both were at gain..

They promised to be together in good and bad days,

And there was happiness and happiness all over again.. 🙂 🙂